A mothers story.

It is another day. Maybe this one will be better, about due a good day. Yesterday was just awful, the worst for some time, and oh so tiring. Yes I am stressed and yes I am anxious.
Today I am going to try really hard, that’s not to say that I don’t usually but today I am going to try extra hard. ‘Gonna make it work. Gonna make it work’, I repeat under my breath as I go to the bottom of the stairs and call Martin again, for the fourth time. My voice falters a little and I can hear it in the rebound off the walls of the landing. No response.
His sister is up showered, dressed and nibbling toast while finishing some homework – such a difference between them. Hard to comprehend that I am mother of them both.
‘Martin! Martin! You have to move NOW.’ Still no response and my day is starting to crumble already, not the plan. Confrontation time…again.
Martin and I had agreed that I would always knock before entering his room, rather he had demanded that I knock. As I entered I could see immediately that he was not in bed but sat at his desk playing that damn game again. This is going to be a battle. I took a deep breath and calmed myself, after all I had promised myself this was going to be a good day.
‘Leave me alone, I not going, get out of my room’. The venom in his voice still manages to hurt me and even now still takes me by surprise. Where does such anger come from? What have I done wrong? Is it really me that has caused this?
‘Martin love it is time to get ready, no need to get angry. I can get the car…’ I was interrupted. ‘GET OUT, shut up, you can’t tell me what to do. I hate you. I- am- not- going!’ He paused between each of these last words for effect. I could so easily just cave in and leave him to it, so much easier. One last attempt should make me feel like at least I tried.
‘Martin we have talked about this. You still need to go to school. I will help you. What would you like me to do?’
***********
I am sat at my desk – eventually. Lily and Martin were both late for school; I was late for work and am exhausted already after excruciating negotiations to get Martin to school. I have an understanding boss but this cannot go on, I will have to work late to make the time up.
This can’t go on, it just can’t.