Do you have a young person who is resistant to fixing their problem? As a parent, you are not necessarily wrong in identifying that problem equally they are not necessarily wrong in saying that they don’t want to fix it. When we’re looking at our teenagers, they are going to be developing their own minds and their own decisions. The challenge we have is that sometimes they might show resistance and rebellion just because they can and not because they’re making a good decision at that moment.
The first thing to say to you is that the problem they have is not the real problem, your relationship is the problem – if you had a good relationship with them you would have already been able to convince them and persuade them. For example, If you have a young person in your life who is constantly eating Kitkats and they’ve put on lots of weight because of it you saying to them “we’re going to get you some help to get you to stop eating”. If they’re resistant towards that it’s not because of the KitKats, they’re resistant to it because of the issues that there are in your relationship. Knowing that their problem isn’t the real problem, the relationship is the problem takes us on to the next step.
The next step is that you need to build rapport with this young person. You need to establish a connection with them. There are certain processes that we teach within NLP that specifically tell you how to get better at building rapport and it comes down to the nuts and bolts of communication – the words that you say, how you say what you say and what you do with your body whilst you’re saying it. As a parent, pay attention to the young person’s words, tone, and their physical body.
Finally, you must have the right strategies for negotiating, a foundation for good negotiation is that you must have rapport. Rapport is the first thing that must be present. With negotiations, you will know where you are and you will know where you need to be with that young person. You will have to maybe take alternative paths to get to the right path (a bit like travelling on the underground)! In our parent sessions, we teach negotiations and give you those skills to be able to work with your young person and have a greater chance of a meeting of minds when you are looking to overcome a problem.
By Gemma Bailey